Codes of Love How to Rethink Your Family and Remake Your Life eBook Mark A Bryan
Download As PDF : Codes of Love How to Rethink Your Family and Remake Your Life eBook Mark A Bryan 
What if you were loved more than you know?
Mark Bryan's passion is bringing families together. He was a member of Oprah Winfrey's 1999 "Change Your Life" team and a regularly featured expert on her show, where he reunited fathers, mothers, and children. Mark is the co-founder of The Artist's Way Workshops, and offers Codes of Love as a way to help all of us get closer to our family members and achieve deeper intimacy by cracking the
Codes of Love
As a counselor, Bryan reconnects parents and grown children despite the pain, bitterness, and anger when the work begins. In helping families find buried closeness, Bryan has learned many lessons about what it takes to open people's hearts. He shares these lessons here -- as well as his own family story, which he weaves throughout the book, a story that poignantly illustrates how reconnection is more than possible, even after years of separation.
Bryan's key insight is that families often communicate love in code, using words, actions, and behaviors that not only may obscure love but sometimes get interpreted as love's opposite. Messages of affection, caring, and concern may be sent in ways that other family members read as negative judgments, efforts to control and undermine. Gaps in communication cause the messages to get lost or distorted in transit. These gaps result from generational and life differences, contrasting emotional and conversational styles, "interference" from a legacy of past conflicts, and other factors. If you can decode your family's messages of love and affection, from the past and from today, you can open the door to richer family ties.
Codes of Love is a guidebook that offers the basic tools for creating better relationships with parents, siblings, grown sons and daughters, spouses, even old friends -- all the loved ones in your life. Bryan explores why family affection so often gets buried or forgotten, then shows us how to recover warmth and rebuild family bonds. He gives readers the necessary tools to crack the codes of love in their own families and discover intimate connections they may not have known existed.
Codes of Love How to Rethink Your Family and Remake Your Life eBook Mark A Bryan
Love this book. Only wish it were digitized on mp3 so I wouldn't have to convert it. It was worth the effort though, as of this book really helps many people, looking at how we can recognize & receive the expressions of love that are available to us and so many different waysProduct details
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Codes of Love How to Rethink Your Family and Remake Your Life eBook Mark A Bryan Reviews
We have all learned how dysfunctional our families are. This book could put Jerry Springer out of business. Instead of adding to our favorite cultural pastime of blame, these intelligent and well researched chapters build one upon the other to evoke compassion, dignity and love. Mark Bryan shares his own very personal story and takes us on a journey of rediscovering the love that shaped and literally sustains us all. Reading this book, I have experienced many wonderful memories I completely forgot about. He provides case studies and exercises that really help reframe things into a whole new meaning. I would recommend this book to anyone who would like to be in a better relationship with someone close to them. Even if it is a loved one no longer around or one so difficult you can't be in contact. Studying this material and applying it to my family has already brought us closer in many ways. The best part is I am seeing how loved and lovable I really am, and that feels good.
The back cover of this book asks, "What if you were loved more than you know?" That is a perverse, dishonest question. When you are loved you will know it. Anything that does not feel like love is not love.
I understand where the author is coming from and where he is trying to go. But he is travelling there courtesy of a delusion. THERE ARE NO CODES OF LOVE. There is love, or there is lack of it. You can't dress up abuse of various kinds as "codes" for love.
If you want to re-connect to family by intellectualizing abuses as love codes, go right ahead. You are making a decision that connection is worth the price of intellectual dishonesty and I won't argue if you make that decision. But make it in the light of the following truth.
We all need love. Sometimes we get it, sometimes we don't. If we don't get enough of it when we are young, our lives are distorted and programmed to unnatural thought and behaviour patterns that are very hard to escape. The author's anger and denial is one such pattern. He chooses to blame himself for his inability to crack the codes of the abuses directed towards him in the name of love. Phooey !
No-one is ever to blame for anything. Blame is a strategy of people who don't understand situations they are trying to make sense of. The reality of life and living is that all of us do the best we can at all times, because it is human nature to act in our best interest. Some of us do well much of the time and some of us don't. But we all try. Unfortunately some of us have suffered childhood deprivations of love that distorted our personalities and limited our ability to give and receive love. And that messes up family relationships, and in turn messes up relationship skills in life.
Everyone does their best at all times. But mothers and fathers sometimes can't love their children unconditionally because their own personalities were distorted in some way by parents who did not love them unconditionally. This potentially multi-generational distortion of love in families is what causes all the problems in all human relationships. Some people overcome lack of unconditional love and can become unconditionally loving parents. But many people can't overcome a lack of unconditional love in their lives, and when that situation pertains, and they become parents, they are unable to love their children unconditionally. So they love their children CONDITIONALLY, and the conditions they impose for giving their love distort the personalities and lives of their children. These conditions are not Codes Of Love, they are an unintentional Lack Of Love, because real love is unconditional. These parents, like all parents, are loving their children the absolute best that they can. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond their control in their own childhoods, their best is not good enough, because they hurt their children physically and emotionally in the process of doing the best they can.
So, back to that question on the back cover. It should read, "What if you knew your parents wanted to love you more, but couldn't through no fault of their own?" And the book that tells the stories in this book through the lens of this re-phrased question is a book I would give 5 stars. I hope this author one day writes that book.
This is a great read for anyone having a family or coming to terms with family problems. Bryan came from a disfunctional family and spent a decade of his life blaming his family for the letdowns in his life. Once he saw his family was not the problem and he was, he came to terms with his family and decided to become a member of the family again. This book mainly focused on the interaction between children and their parents, but it can be used with other relationships. This is a great read for any of us who have problems with their family, because it councils us in how to behave in the proper manner. As Bryan himself also states, he even has to work on how to see his family in the proper light. This gives great insight into family dynamics, and is useful reading for anyone.
I plan on using some of Mark's principles with my family. Family matters, and as Mark show, some of us have some pretty heavy baggage. Losing the baggage is a first step in coming to terms with your family. Good read and great advice.
Heard this author on Oprah and had to get the book. He gives valuable suggestions to family members on how to let go of the bad stuff and learn to accept and move on.
Love this book. Only wish it were digitized on mp3 so I wouldn't have to convert it. It was worth the effort though, as of this book really helps many people, looking at how we can recognize & receive the expressions of love that are available to us and so many different ways
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